OH DEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR. It's been awhile. I long while. I think. I don't remember. asdgdsaf
Okay! So things have been going really well! I have no idea when I last blogged and right now I'm way too lazy to go and look at the date on my last blog. But, just an update...
Pete and I have just been working and he's started school so it's been kinda craaaazy. I have been working 11-6 and thankfully his work is being super flexible and having him work 4-10pm now instead of 2:30pm to 1:30am.... So I don't see him a whole lot but I know all of our hard work and sacrifice will pay off! Maybe... okay yes I'm sure it will!
Last week he surprised me with a weekend mini-vacation to Park City! So fun :)
Lois, the red car, has died. We are now a one car family. This would be fine if we didn't work at conflicting times! Hopefully we can get it fixed and SELL it though and get something more reliable.
I still suck at cooking.
Mostly I just hate growing up. I hate having to be responsible and pay bills and worry about insurance and money and BLEHHHHHHHHHH. Does anyone really LIKE growing up? Can I get some of that positive energy puleeeease???? kthanksbye.
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Aw, I'm a parent!
Well, fact of the matter is, I'm not a parent yet so I can't really explain how I felt when I had the children I don't have. Make sense? Good.
There are instances in my life where I feel like a parent though, so maybe I can relate a little. I've taken care of my sister while we've grown up (or told myself that) so that's kind of like she was my large-ish child. I've taken care of hundreds of kids with my different jobs and sometimes I feel like I'm like their parent. And of course there was always...
My sunflower.
I take it all back. I am a parent. And I've created something beautiful, just like the rest of you.
There once was a time where I got a seed. This was a wonderful little seed that when you held it in your hand, you felt like you were holding a tiny miracle that was sent to you from God himself. Just looking at it made you ponder about the meaning of life and do big sighs and look into the sunset. That was my seed, and I loved it dearly.
Once I got up the courage to part with the seed-form of my miracle I planted it in a beautiful and extravagant home. This home was made of only the finest materials, a delicately cut plastic green Sprite bottle, made it China, that made it possible for my little seedy to drink from the plentiful water whenever it felt keen in doing so.
To my surprise and relief, seedy turned out to be fine. I chuckled. I guess all moms experience this worry though. She suddenly reached out of the dirt and began to grow rapidly before my eyes. I was so proud. Tears began to form in my eyes and I thought, what was the purpose of my life before my little baby seedy was in it? I did not know, nor did I care.
Each day I checked on her to make sure she had everything that was needed. I made sure she was watered, fed, and properly clothed with dark, rich, soil. She got plenty of exercise and fresh air, which most youngsters need at that age. When she became bigger though, she copped a little attitude and needed a larger room. Oh silly seedy, you're just like your mother. She was always complaining about how her room was too small and all the other seedies in the world had way more room than she. I cut up a juice carton and she got what she'd always wanted, more space to play and to be her beautiful seedy self.
As she grew older, times weren't as happy like they used to be. She was too big for me to hold in my hand anymore and she was always reaching out of her home to see what else was out there in the big, vast world; it just wasn't enough for her to see my smiling face looking down at her each day anymore. I continued to care for her even though I could tell my help wasn't always welcome.
I soon realized didn't have to check on her each day or water her as much. She was growing on her own and I know what she wanted. Space. She wanted more space...away from me? Away from her family and her home? I wasn't sure. My mind wandered and feared the worst.
Just as she was growing into her seedy-woman self I realized she really didn't need me much at all; all my worst fears were coming true. I forced myself to quit checking on her and unfortunately, things took a terrible turn.
I fell ill with a bout of sicky-icky-ness. I was unable to care for her for quite a long time but I assumed she'd be fine without me. After all, it'd been a long time since she needed me anyway...
A week or so passed when I finally got the strength to open the door to my backyard and check on my sweet, sweet, seedy. But when I saw her, my world went dark. I gasped and put my hand over my mouth. I shrunk to my knees to witness the horror... My week of neglect (which in sunflower time was 14 years) had killed her. Her once green and strong stem was gray and withered. Her leaves were crumpled and lay sprawled on the floor of her room.
Seedy. Was. Dead.
Six+teen
16. What are your 2 greatest accomplishments?
Wha? Only 2? Hehehehawhawhaw. Just kidding.
One of my greatest accomplishments is becoming a normal functioning human being! Yes! I'm so happy that I've turned out somewhat normal, it was a bit sketchy for a while. But really. Have you ever studied child development? It's amazing that babies are born and people learn and grow and can be so resilient to this rough roller coaster of a life. I'm so thankful that I have all of my limbs, that I have my little teeth to chomp up all of my glorius junkfood, and all 10 fingers and all 10 toes. Our bodies are amazing things, I'm going to go ahead and be proud of it's miraculousness. Right. Meow.
Another thing I GUESS I can be proud of and call a great accomplishment in my life is finishing school. I guess it's never really finished finished, you could always keep going. But I'm happy to be done with my bachelor's. What will I do with this? Who freakin knows. But am I happy to be done and proud of it? YEEESH. Oy em.
Okay so this post is completely weird and who knows if those are even good accomplishments but they are literally the first things that came into my braaaaaain.
The Walking Dead starts on October 13th people. October 13th. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
Ooooo, this is a fun one. I don't know that I can narrow it down to one...
I wish I was the best artist that ever lived! I would probably be super weird because that's how most of the best artists are/have been, but would it be worth it? UHHHH YEEEEAH. Ok, maybe not the best artist, but like...top 10? Sure. It would be great. And I could just create art for my job, and make some money, and make a difference in the world, and do amazing things.
I wish I was great at playing video games, too. Wouldn't that be the life? Play games, be the best in the world, throw hun-ned dollas from the roof top of tall buildings. Ok.
Okay, but seriously. I wish I was REALLY great at...being the best person I could be. I wish I could take all my insecurities and fears and doubts and throw THEM from the rooftop! And be rid of them forever. And go out and do the jobs I want to do and help the people I want to help and accomplish all the things in my life that I'm too scared to even attempt. That, my friends, would be just dandy.
18. What do you think your spouse loves most about you?
Hmmm.. this is a toughie. Is that a real word? Midonknow. I think it's a toss up. He might love my big brown mcdonalds eyes or my willingness to help the people I love or my sheer insanity. I'm always jumping around and making weird noises and hoping I can get even the tiniest smirk to cross his face. I'm usually successful.
Wha? Only 2? Hehehehawhawhaw. Just kidding.
One of my greatest accomplishments is becoming a normal functioning human being! Yes! I'm so happy that I've turned out somewhat normal, it was a bit sketchy for a while. But really. Have you ever studied child development? It's amazing that babies are born and people learn and grow and can be so resilient to this rough roller coaster of a life. I'm so thankful that I have all of my limbs, that I have my little teeth to chomp up all of my glorius junkfood, and all 10 fingers and all 10 toes. Our bodies are amazing things, I'm going to go ahead and be proud of it's miraculousness. Right. Meow.
Another thing I GUESS I can be proud of and call a great accomplishment in my life is finishing school. I guess it's never really finished finished, you could always keep going. But I'm happy to be done with my bachelor's. What will I do with this? Who freakin knows. But am I happy to be done and proud of it? YEEESH. Oy em.
Okay so this post is completely weird and who knows if those are even good accomplishments but they are literally the first things that came into my braaaaaain.
The Walking Dead starts on October 13th people. October 13th. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
Ooooo, this is a fun one. I don't know that I can narrow it down to one...
I wish I was the best artist that ever lived! I would probably be super weird because that's how most of the best artists are/have been, but would it be worth it? UHHHH YEEEEAH. Ok, maybe not the best artist, but like...top 10? Sure. It would be great. And I could just create art for my job, and make some money, and make a difference in the world, and do amazing things.
I wish I was great at playing video games, too. Wouldn't that be the life? Play games, be the best in the world, throw hun-ned dollas from the roof top of tall buildings. Ok.
Okay, but seriously. I wish I was REALLY great at...being the best person I could be. I wish I could take all my insecurities and fears and doubts and throw THEM from the rooftop! And be rid of them forever. And go out and do the jobs I want to do and help the people I want to help and accomplish all the things in my life that I'm too scared to even attempt. That, my friends, would be just dandy.
18. What do you think your spouse loves most about you?
Hmmm.. this is a toughie. Is that a real word? Midonknow. I think it's a toss up. He might love my big brown mcdonalds eyes or my willingness to help the people I love or my sheer insanity. I'm always jumping around and making weird noises and hoping I can get even the tiniest smirk to cross his face. I'm usually successful.
One-Five
15. Describe when you knew your spouse was the one or how you fell in love.
Love at first sight? Friends first and then more? How does it all work?
I can't say I fell in love at first sight, but I sure was excited when I saw my big hunk-a-burnin-love. He's the epitome of "tall, dark, and handsome" and he's a soccer fanatic to top it all off. How could any girl not wanna get with that? I mean...go on a wholesome date with such a fine gentlemanly specimen.
Pete and I knew of each other in high school. I knew him as the hunky soccer player that all the girls went after. He dated all the cheerleaders and was older and therefore already way cooler than me. Want to hear how he knew of me? Are you sure? I was the ultimate-super-hyperactive-nerd freshman that had braces and acted like a freak. No really. The first time he saw me I had my soccer hoodie on my head, with the sides pulled back behind my ears, while making golem noises and wide crazy eyes. Next time you're alone just try it. You put your hood on, pull the sides behind your ears so they stick out and it looks like you have no hair. Then make crazy faces. Friggin' hilarious. At least I thought I was, me and my old hyperactive best friend. How he still married me or wanted to step within a 10 mile radius after seeing me like that, no one really knows...
So we never really talked in high school. I was way too much of a freak and he was busy focusing on soccer and his mission and avoiding the creepy girl who made weird faces and thought she was funny. He served his mish in Argentina and when he came back I think he was just lookin' for lots of different girls to hang out with. He made the mistake of adding me on facebook and after I arched my eyebrow and made some crazy faces all confused-like I decided to write on his wall. As I was writing some fumbly awkward message "Heh...hey there...you're back from your mission...remember me? the freak?" I didn't even have to post it because HE messaged ME. WHAAAAAA??????
Anywho! To make a long story short, we began talking and finally decided to hang out. Since then we have been inseparable. Although we said the "L" word pretty fast and talked about marriage and kids and all that mushyness it took us a while to finally tie the knot. I was dead set on living up to my "I'm not getting married until I'm 26!" idea and made him wait quite a while. I said I wanted to live on my own and get more of my schooling done first, and he waited. Because he's perfect. Duh.
I guess I don't really know the exact moment we feel in love, or that I fell in love with him. Just while we were dating things felt different. He handled things differently than the guys I dated before. He was mature, and loyal, and...okay I'll say it again, he's pretty freakin perfect. He's was always there for me when I needed him most and made me want to be a better person. I remember literally feeling weak in the knees when we had our first kiss, just like in the movies!
Of course our relationship isn't or wasn't always sunshine and daisies like you guys get to hear about but we're there for each other when it matters. When things get tough, we stick together like...something super sticky! Like when duct tape sticks to itself, or molasses, or super-duper-oober-sticky glue. It's nice.
Love at first sight? Friends first and then more? How does it all work?
I can't say I fell in love at first sight, but I sure was excited when I saw my big hunk-a-burnin-love. He's the epitome of "tall, dark, and handsome" and he's a soccer fanatic to top it all off. How could any girl not wanna get with that? I mean...go on a wholesome date with such a fine gentlemanly specimen.
Pete and I knew of each other in high school. I knew him as the hunky soccer player that all the girls went after. He dated all the cheerleaders and was older and therefore already way cooler than me. Want to hear how he knew of me? Are you sure? I was the ultimate-super-hyperactive-nerd freshman that had braces and acted like a freak. No really. The first time he saw me I had my soccer hoodie on my head, with the sides pulled back behind my ears, while making golem noises and wide crazy eyes. Next time you're alone just try it. You put your hood on, pull the sides behind your ears so they stick out and it looks like you have no hair. Then make crazy faces. Friggin' hilarious. At least I thought I was, me and my old hyperactive best friend. How he still married me or wanted to step within a 10 mile radius after seeing me like that, no one really knows...
So we never really talked in high school. I was way too much of a freak and he was busy focusing on soccer and his mission and avoiding the creepy girl who made weird faces and thought she was funny. He served his mish in Argentina and when he came back I think he was just lookin' for lots of different girls to hang out with. He made the mistake of adding me on facebook and after I arched my eyebrow and made some crazy faces all confused-like I decided to write on his wall. As I was writing some fumbly awkward message "Heh...hey there...you're back from your mission...remember me? the freak?" I didn't even have to post it because HE messaged ME. WHAAAAAA??????
Anywho! To make a long story short, we began talking and finally decided to hang out. Since then we have been inseparable. Although we said the "L" word pretty fast and talked about marriage and kids and all that mushyness it took us a while to finally tie the knot. I was dead set on living up to my "I'm not getting married until I'm 26!" idea and made him wait quite a while. I said I wanted to live on my own and get more of my schooling done first, and he waited. Because he's perfect. Duh.
I guess I don't really know the exact moment we feel in love, or that I fell in love with him. Just while we were dating things felt different. He handled things differently than the guys I dated before. He was mature, and loyal, and...okay I'll say it again, he's pretty freakin perfect. He's was always there for me when I needed him most and made me want to be a better person. I remember literally feeling weak in the knees when we had our first kiss, just like in the movies!
Of course our relationship isn't or wasn't always sunshine and daisies like you guys get to hear about but we're there for each other when it matters. When things get tough, we stick together like...something super sticky! Like when duct tape sticks to itself, or molasses, or super-duper-oober-sticky glue. It's nice.
Sunburnt lovebugs.
Thoughts on Reading My Favs
So, I just have to vent a little on another mini-dilemma in my life. I love reading books, especially fiction. I've read the HP's like 4 times, the Twilight books (guilty pleasure), and the Hunger Games series more times than I'm prepared to admit. I was just about to begin the Hunger Games again but I've become extremely conflicted about it. Is reading fiction just a waste of time? I spend hours laying in the same position or sitting in the same position and although I get a little satisfaction from these stories, what do I really gain from it? Maybe my reading skills improve slightly but I think that's about it.
Another thing that bugs me is the experience of reading a book. With my older kindle, the internet, my phone, and my kindle fire, I've been reading almost entirely on a screen for the past few years. Really though, there's no competition between those things and reading a real, crisp book. I love being able to look at my book and see how far I've come or smelling the pages of a new book that's mine. I like keeping the books I've read so I can lend them to friends and family or reread them again again. But, unless I want to go to the library, I'll most likely stick to the headache-creating e-readers and online content. (Wouldn't be opposed to the library as much if I didn't have to deal with the bih that was so mean to me when I went in to get my library card. Seriously. Aren't librarians supposed to be nice cheerful old ladies that are willing to help you with anything?)
So now, I dunno what I'm going to do. I want to keep reading my favorites or find a new entertaining fiction novel but I feel like I should be reading biographies or books that will actually help me in my life. What to do, what to do. What do you think?
Another thing that bugs me is the experience of reading a book. With my older kindle, the internet, my phone, and my kindle fire, I've been reading almost entirely on a screen for the past few years. Really though, there's no competition between those things and reading a real, crisp book. I love being able to look at my book and see how far I've come or smelling the pages of a new book that's mine. I like keeping the books I've read so I can lend them to friends and family or reread them again again. But, unless I want to go to the library, I'll most likely stick to the headache-creating e-readers and online content. (Wouldn't be opposed to the library as much if I didn't have to deal with the bih that was so mean to me when I went in to get my library card. Seriously. Aren't librarians supposed to be nice cheerful old ladies that are willing to help you with anything?)
So now, I dunno what I'm going to do. I want to keep reading my favorites or find a new entertaining fiction novel but I feel like I should be reading biographies or books that will actually help me in my life. What to do, what to do. What do you think?
14. Describe 5 weaknesses and strengths you have.
Uuuuugh, not excited for this one for some reason... it might be pretty quick!
Weaknesses:
1. Opening up to people
2. COOKING
3. Staying motivated/sticking to specific things
4. Being outgoing
5. Believing in myself
Strengths:
1. (can be) smart, lol
2. I'm pretty good with kids
3. Artsy things
4. Pretty good work ethic
5. Athletic? Sure! Athletic.
So, basically I'm not super domestic. There's plenty of room to improve there. I can mess up boiling water when cooking. Cleaning is a lot of guesswork. Who knows if I really am doing this laundry right but at least it smells good. I don't attempt to get small stains out because I really don't care; I've been wearing the same clothes for years. I don't trust a lot of people or don't plan on them sticking around so I don't take the time to get to know them or to be vulnerable around them. As I've said before, I start millions of things (dieting, working out, improving life in general) and I lose interest and revert to my old ways. I wish I could YOLO like we say and live my life more. I'm too content with staying in over the weekends and watching shows or playing games. I wish I had more of a desire to go out into the world and experience things! I think something that goes along with that is believing in myself. I don't go out and do things because of a lot of the time I'm afraid I'll mess something up or say something stupid. Could I even get a job like that? Would they even accept me in that masters program? Would I absolutely fail the GRE? Will I even be able to have children and if I do will I be a good mom? Yatta yatta yatta.
When I apply myself, like in a class I love, I can be the smartest person there. I loved in high school and college when I could get the highest score in all the classes on a test or ace my classes. When I actually apply myself to something, or really care about it, I can totally kick butt. If only I could do that with everything all the time...
I love kids and I'm pretty good at being a grown-up kid myself. I love helping kids to realize how valuable and special they are. I love being silly and seeing them smile. This all sounds kinda creepy, but it's true.
Blah blah blah... I'm done with this post. I might just skip the rest of the blogging challenge in general because I feel it's a little repetitive and bor-ring. See? There I go again, not finishing something I start.
For a quick update, not much has been happening still besides work and school. Pete and Kenz are both getting ready for Weber in the fall and I'm just wondering what I want to do with myself. I can't decide (STILL) on grad school, planning on being a mom, or whatever else. We shall see............
This Saturday we're going to Bear Lake. I'm excited to spend the day in the water and I hope the weather is just perfect. My sister is turning 18 in August! Wow. Time sure does fly. We're also taking a trip down to Capital Reef with the Legua's and I am SO excited for that. I can't wait to just get away from all the stress and worry from the world and hike and play in the river and spend 24/7 with my boo (whom I never see..).
Lol watching the Friend's episode where Pheobe's fire detector won't shut off. Classic!
Uuuuugh, not excited for this one for some reason... it might be pretty quick!
Weaknesses:
1. Opening up to people
2. COOKING
3. Staying motivated/sticking to specific things
4. Being outgoing
5. Believing in myself
Strengths:
1. (can be) smart, lol
2. I'm pretty good with kids
3. Artsy things
4. Pretty good work ethic
5. Athletic? Sure! Athletic.
So, basically I'm not super domestic. There's plenty of room to improve there. I can mess up boiling water when cooking. Cleaning is a lot of guesswork. Who knows if I really am doing this laundry right but at least it smells good. I don't attempt to get small stains out because I really don't care; I've been wearing the same clothes for years. I don't trust a lot of people or don't plan on them sticking around so I don't take the time to get to know them or to be vulnerable around them. As I've said before, I start millions of things (dieting, working out, improving life in general) and I lose interest and revert to my old ways. I wish I could YOLO like we say and live my life more. I'm too content with staying in over the weekends and watching shows or playing games. I wish I had more of a desire to go out into the world and experience things! I think something that goes along with that is believing in myself. I don't go out and do things because of a lot of the time I'm afraid I'll mess something up or say something stupid. Could I even get a job like that? Would they even accept me in that masters program? Would I absolutely fail the GRE? Will I even be able to have children and if I do will I be a good mom? Yatta yatta yatta.
When I apply myself, like in a class I love, I can be the smartest person there. I loved in high school and college when I could get the highest score in all the classes on a test or ace my classes. When I actually apply myself to something, or really care about it, I can totally kick butt. If only I could do that with everything all the time...
I love kids and I'm pretty good at being a grown-up kid myself. I love helping kids to realize how valuable and special they are. I love being silly and seeing them smile. This all sounds kinda creepy, but it's true.
Blah blah blah... I'm done with this post. I might just skip the rest of the blogging challenge in general because I feel it's a little repetitive and bor-ring. See? There I go again, not finishing something I start.
For a quick update, not much has been happening still besides work and school. Pete and Kenz are both getting ready for Weber in the fall and I'm just wondering what I want to do with myself. I can't decide (STILL) on grad school, planning on being a mom, or whatever else. We shall see............
This Saturday we're going to Bear Lake. I'm excited to spend the day in the water and I hope the weather is just perfect. My sister is turning 18 in August! Wow. Time sure does fly. We're also taking a trip down to Capital Reef with the Legua's and I am SO excited for that. I can't wait to just get away from all the stress and worry from the world and hike and play in the river and spend 24/7 with my boo (whom I never see..).
Lol watching the Friend's episode where Pheobe's fire detector won't shut off. Classic!
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Qupdates!
So, just a quick update on my life. Hmm... not much! I've still been just working and well, not working. Last week I got super sick and missed like, 5 days of work. So weird. I hate missing work and have no idea what to do with myself when I have nothing to do all day. Unfortunately, I just layed in bed all day and tried to breathe. Apparently, according to my idiot doctor, I had a bacterial infection. I say idiot doctor because I literally could have been treated better by a 4 year old than the way he treated me when I went in. The infection, or whatever I had, made it so I literally could not breathe so I finally gave in and went to the doctor. I hate going to the doctor and I can usually get over things pretty quickly. But I could not shake this sickness. Anywho, I finally had Pete make me an appointment to go get checked up. We waited for about 20 minutes and finally got to go in to see him. He spent literally 2 minutes listening to my breathing, talking to me about phlem, and writing me a prescription. He didn't tell me specifically what I had, what he was prescribing, do any tests, or ANYTHING. I don't want to say who he is because I don't want to offend anyone but if you ever want to know which doctor NOT to go to at the Brigham Clinic, I'll be happy to tell you.
Long story short, I think my body just finally got a grip and I feel a bajillion times better. It's so nice to breathe and have a voice again. I was so happy when I could finally sleep at night and not worry about popping a blood vessel in my eye from all the coughing. Seriously.
So, this fall Pete has decided to go back to school. I think he was considering just looking for a good job and working his way up and going to school later. However, he's made up his mind that going back to school right now is the best option for us. Ha :) I love being right. So yeah! I'm excited for him. I kinda wish I was going back to school, too. I sorta miss it. My diploma came the other day and it's weird to think that I'm most likely all done with USU. No more college life or anything like that for me...WEEEEEIRD.
Work is going much better. We've been having anywhere from 100-120 kids each day and for a while there it was getting really really exhausting. We've fortunately hired more people now though and it's so much better! Tomorrow we're going swimming... YIPPEEEEEEEE.
There ya have it! Not much new going on, just a truckin' along. :)
Long story short, I think my body just finally got a grip and I feel a bajillion times better. It's so nice to breathe and have a voice again. I was so happy when I could finally sleep at night and not worry about popping a blood vessel in my eye from all the coughing. Seriously.
So, this fall Pete has decided to go back to school. I think he was considering just looking for a good job and working his way up and going to school later. However, he's made up his mind that going back to school right now is the best option for us. Ha :) I love being right. So yeah! I'm excited for him. I kinda wish I was going back to school, too. I sorta miss it. My diploma came the other day and it's weird to think that I'm most likely all done with USU. No more college life or anything like that for me...WEEEEEIRD.
Work is going much better. We've been having anywhere from 100-120 kids each day and for a while there it was getting really really exhausting. We've fortunately hired more people now though and it's so much better! Tomorrow we're going swimming... YIPPEEEEEEEE.
There ya have it! Not much new going on, just a truckin' along. :)
The baby dilemma.
Can I just take a minute of your time and whine some more about the dilemmas in my life? Ok.
I've decided that sometimes, it seems like it would almost be easier to accidentally get pregnant and pop out a little miracle without any planning or preparation. It seems like that might sometimes be easier than planning and worrying and wondering when the right time to have children is. Right now I feel like I obsess about when the right time is or isn't. I want everything to be perfect for when we do decide to start our family but I need to remind myself that it's never going to be perfect! And, things will be just fine, imperfections and all.
Why do we have children? Is it because we want our genes to be carried on or we want someone that we can take care of that is completely dependent on us or what? I just wonder sometimes. Why do some people plan it out obsessively (like myself) and others just go with the flow and take life and little lives as they come? Why do women get so baby hungry and men do not? Why do I sometimes get excited just to be pregnant and experience all of that? Being a woman is weird.
I feel stupid blogging about babies. Whenever I think of myself as someone else coming and reading this blog I feel like an idiot. Who worries about babies and parenthood and what not like this? I have no idea. But lately, with all of my friends and family members having adorable little mini-thems it just makes me want a mini-me, too. I can't wait to see what our kids will look like. Will they get my eyes? Pete's dark hair? What will they act like? Will they be shy or outgoing? What kind of things will they like to do? Hopefully soccer...but if not, I'll still love them. It's crazy to think about. And right now I'm just gonna let all these thoughts out and about!
Another thing I think about a lot when I think about children and parenthood is the lifestyle. I'm not really one of those people who is worried about not having all the freedoms because your life changes with kids (which I'm sure I will when I'm in that position) but rather, I want my life to be about raising MY kids. I spend hours each day, and have spent many hours in the last five years, taking care of other people's children. I try to teach them things and help them feel loved and valued and wanted, I wonder how different it will be when I have my own kids. Ok, went on a tangent. Back to lifestyle! What kind of mom do I want to be? I always thought I'd be a stay-at-home mom but I wonder if I'll be happy or not with that life. Do I want to stay home with our kids all day and take care of them and see all of their milestones or do I want to split it up and work a little to give them more opportunities? Are moms happy when they just stay home with the kids or are they happy having to leave them for a bit to go to work? I guess I really will have no idea until I'm actually in that situation (once again). I can only ponder and observe, lol.
I always thought I was going to get my bachelor's, get my master's, and then go on to join the peace corps for a few years and do something worthwhile in the world. I never pictured myself as just staying home with kids and cleaning house and doing...crafts? Surprisingly though, since I've gotten married, that's all I've really wanted to do. I lost some of my drive in school and my goals have changed drastically. I still have a hard time though, giving it all up and just being a mom.
Now, PLEASE, anyone who is a stay-at-home mom that is reading this, you can't get offended. I would give anything right now to be able to stay home and raise my kids each day and I know there are tons and tons of women out in the world who have to go to work who would kill to be able to stay home and watch their children grow. I think that, since that's what I think I really do want, I have to rationalize and pretend I maybe want other things since I can't have it right now. But someday :)
Anywho, I think I just need to be content with the way my life is right now. I can't keep wishing my life away or comparing it to others. I need to work harder on being happy for those who have their babies right now and who are so happy about it they have to post pictures every 5 seconds, lol. I need to enjoy my life the way it is without kids, and know that I will also enjoy it when it changes and I do have children.
I'll just spend some time focusing on working and bettering mine and Pete's life together. Once we have kids, there's no going back so we need to understand and appreciate the way it is now and accept it and love it when it's not the same (but better!) If any of this makes any sense, lol.
If any of you have ANY advice or just personal experience you'd be willing to share, that would be great. I want to know if being a stay at home mom or working mom is better, worse, pros and cons, etc. Thanks guys!
I've decided that sometimes, it seems like it would almost be easier to accidentally get pregnant and pop out a little miracle without any planning or preparation. It seems like that might sometimes be easier than planning and worrying and wondering when the right time to have children is. Right now I feel like I obsess about when the right time is or isn't. I want everything to be perfect for when we do decide to start our family but I need to remind myself that it's never going to be perfect! And, things will be just fine, imperfections and all.
Why do we have children? Is it because we want our genes to be carried on or we want someone that we can take care of that is completely dependent on us or what? I just wonder sometimes. Why do some people plan it out obsessively (like myself) and others just go with the flow and take life and little lives as they come? Why do women get so baby hungry and men do not? Why do I sometimes get excited just to be pregnant and experience all of that? Being a woman is weird.
I feel stupid blogging about babies. Whenever I think of myself as someone else coming and reading this blog I feel like an idiot. Who worries about babies and parenthood and what not like this? I have no idea. But lately, with all of my friends and family members having adorable little mini-thems it just makes me want a mini-me, too. I can't wait to see what our kids will look like. Will they get my eyes? Pete's dark hair? What will they act like? Will they be shy or outgoing? What kind of things will they like to do? Hopefully soccer...but if not, I'll still love them. It's crazy to think about. And right now I'm just gonna let all these thoughts out and about!
Another thing I think about a lot when I think about children and parenthood is the lifestyle. I'm not really one of those people who is worried about not having all the freedoms because your life changes with kids (which I'm sure I will when I'm in that position) but rather, I want my life to be about raising MY kids. I spend hours each day, and have spent many hours in the last five years, taking care of other people's children. I try to teach them things and help them feel loved and valued and wanted, I wonder how different it will be when I have my own kids. Ok, went on a tangent. Back to lifestyle! What kind of mom do I want to be? I always thought I'd be a stay-at-home mom but I wonder if I'll be happy or not with that life. Do I want to stay home with our kids all day and take care of them and see all of their milestones or do I want to split it up and work a little to give them more opportunities? Are moms happy when they just stay home with the kids or are they happy having to leave them for a bit to go to work? I guess I really will have no idea until I'm actually in that situation (once again). I can only ponder and observe, lol.
I always thought I was going to get my bachelor's, get my master's, and then go on to join the peace corps for a few years and do something worthwhile in the world. I never pictured myself as just staying home with kids and cleaning house and doing...crafts? Surprisingly though, since I've gotten married, that's all I've really wanted to do. I lost some of my drive in school and my goals have changed drastically. I still have a hard time though, giving it all up and just being a mom.
Now, PLEASE, anyone who is a stay-at-home mom that is reading this, you can't get offended. I would give anything right now to be able to stay home and raise my kids each day and I know there are tons and tons of women out in the world who have to go to work who would kill to be able to stay home and watch their children grow. I think that, since that's what I think I really do want, I have to rationalize and pretend I maybe want other things since I can't have it right now. But someday :)
Anywho, I think I just need to be content with the way my life is right now. I can't keep wishing my life away or comparing it to others. I need to work harder on being happy for those who have their babies right now and who are so happy about it they have to post pictures every 5 seconds, lol. I need to enjoy my life the way it is without kids, and know that I will also enjoy it when it changes and I do have children.
I'll just spend some time focusing on working and bettering mine and Pete's life together. Once we have kids, there's no going back so we need to understand and appreciate the way it is now and accept it and love it when it's not the same (but better!) If any of this makes any sense, lol.
If any of you have ANY advice or just personal experience you'd be willing to share, that would be great. I want to know if being a stay at home mom or working mom is better, worse, pros and cons, etc. Thanks guys!
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Tirteen.
HA! "13. What’s the hardest part of growing up?" OMG. I think about this everyday. It's quite sad really.
There are many parts of growing up that I hate. That are hard. That make me want to curl up in my bed and die sometimes. I guess they're not all that bad, but some days they seem really...suckish.
First thing that comes to my mind is money problems. I don't necessarily have problems paying my bills or buying things I want or need but I hate even THINKING about money. I hate thinking about how much money we're spending and making; is it enough? Should we really splurge on that? Do we really need this? I guess it's good to be money conscious but sometimes I feel like I obsess over it. I get buyers remorse about EVERYTHING because I wonder if I could have/should have saved my money and spent it on something better for our future. I wish we lived in a world (somehow) where money didn't exist. We just traded goods and services or something and we were all happy and had the things we needed. Huh.
I hate all things about growing up that I don't understand. I hate anything that has to do with taxes, insurance, bills, etc. I know I took some classes on these things like financial literacy in high school but honestly I feel like an idiot whenever I think about this stuff. What kind of tax form do I need? What do I write on line 15? Who do I ask when I have no idea? What kind of insurance do I need? What's a 401k? What kind of benefits do I NOT have? Sigh.
Growing up is hard because you have to worry about everything. It's so much easier to just worry about you, yourself, and...you. I miss the times when I was just a kid and the world revolved around me (in my head). I didn't have to worry about making sure other people are happy or content or that I'm not offending someone or making anyone feel uncomfortable. I miss the days where the only thing I'd worry about is which flavor of ice cream I wanted or what Disney movie I would watch before bedtime. I miss spending all day outside playing with my friends without a care in the world. I hate having to just think about working and saving money and planning for the future. It seems like when you're 12 years old you just want to be 16 so you can date. When you're 16 you just want to be 18 so you can be considered an adult. When you're 18 you just want to be 21 because even though you always felt like you'd feel like an adult when you turned 18 you really don't because it's still "eight-teen." And when you're 21-23, my age, you just want it all to go away and you want to be 12 again, playing lava tag on the couches. I guess this cycle continues on and on. I'm going to try really hard to relay this information to my kids so they can somehow realize that growing up isn't all it's made out to be and that they should enjoy every single day of being a kid.
Another part of growing up that's hard is dealing with reality. When you're young, the world is your oyster. If you want to be an astronaut, that's what you tell people you're going to be and you prepare each day blasting off and jumping off your bed so one day you can be launched into space to discover another planet. You could be a supermodel or a mafia member or whatever you want when you're little. But then you grow up and you see how much it costs to get an education these days and how much housing is and groceries and gas and everything else and you begin to settle. You settle with a job that's convenient for you and that you feel comfortable doing. You decide on a career that will maybe pay the bills or that has the benefits your family needs. Where did all of those dreams go? I think they're still in there but we have to hide them very carefully so we aren't crushed by the realization that probably won't all work out the way we wanted.
Other hard parts about growing up:
Body goes to crap.
People you love pass away, get sick, suffer.
Relationships you used to have deteriorate and sometimes disappear.
You have to be responsible.
You have to learn to cook, and clean, and do never-ending laundry.
You have to deal with comparisons with everyone else. Am I doing all that I could with my life? Am I having as much fun as everyone else? Why doesn't my life seem as exciting as theirs?
Less time for yourself.
Hard decisions that can affect your whole life and the lives of those around you.
Etc.
I think in order to be happy and grow up at the same time you really have to make the conscious effort to look at the positives in your life. You have to literally count your blessings and realize how great the life is that you have. I'm so incredibly grateful for all of the things I have in my life. My husband, family, friends, home, job, and other opportunities I have... (there are SO many). Whenever I think about how much I hate growing up or I just want to die because we just got the utility bill and it's up $50 bucks from last time, I just have to focus on the fact that I even have a utility bill. A utility bill means I have a home with heat or AC or electricity so I can cook and have entertainment. I'm thankful for the laundry I have because it means I can afford to have clothes, clean clothes. I'm thankful for taxes because that means I have a job and I'm a member of this great country.
Well...and that's how you do it :)
Ingrid Michaelson--Sort Of
Regina Spektor--The Calculation
Kate Nash--Navy Taxi
There are many parts of growing up that I hate. That are hard. That make me want to curl up in my bed and die sometimes. I guess they're not all that bad, but some days they seem really...suckish.
First thing that comes to my mind is money problems. I don't necessarily have problems paying my bills or buying things I want or need but I hate even THINKING about money. I hate thinking about how much money we're spending and making; is it enough? Should we really splurge on that? Do we really need this? I guess it's good to be money conscious but sometimes I feel like I obsess over it. I get buyers remorse about EVERYTHING because I wonder if I could have/should have saved my money and spent it on something better for our future. I wish we lived in a world (somehow) where money didn't exist. We just traded goods and services or something and we were all happy and had the things we needed. Huh.
I hate all things about growing up that I don't understand. I hate anything that has to do with taxes, insurance, bills, etc. I know I took some classes on these things like financial literacy in high school but honestly I feel like an idiot whenever I think about this stuff. What kind of tax form do I need? What do I write on line 15? Who do I ask when I have no idea? What kind of insurance do I need? What's a 401k? What kind of benefits do I NOT have? Sigh.
Growing up is hard because you have to worry about everything. It's so much easier to just worry about you, yourself, and...you. I miss the times when I was just a kid and the world revolved around me (in my head). I didn't have to worry about making sure other people are happy or content or that I'm not offending someone or making anyone feel uncomfortable. I miss the days where the only thing I'd worry about is which flavor of ice cream I wanted or what Disney movie I would watch before bedtime. I miss spending all day outside playing with my friends without a care in the world. I hate having to just think about working and saving money and planning for the future. It seems like when you're 12 years old you just want to be 16 so you can date. When you're 16 you just want to be 18 so you can be considered an adult. When you're 18 you just want to be 21 because even though you always felt like you'd feel like an adult when you turned 18 you really don't because it's still "eight-teen." And when you're 21-23, my age, you just want it all to go away and you want to be 12 again, playing lava tag on the couches. I guess this cycle continues on and on. I'm going to try really hard to relay this information to my kids so they can somehow realize that growing up isn't all it's made out to be and that they should enjoy every single day of being a kid.
Another part of growing up that's hard is dealing with reality. When you're young, the world is your oyster. If you want to be an astronaut, that's what you tell people you're going to be and you prepare each day blasting off and jumping off your bed so one day you can be launched into space to discover another planet. You could be a supermodel or a mafia member or whatever you want when you're little. But then you grow up and you see how much it costs to get an education these days and how much housing is and groceries and gas and everything else and you begin to settle. You settle with a job that's convenient for you and that you feel comfortable doing. You decide on a career that will maybe pay the bills or that has the benefits your family needs. Where did all of those dreams go? I think they're still in there but we have to hide them very carefully so we aren't crushed by the realization that probably won't all work out the way we wanted.
Other hard parts about growing up:
Body goes to crap.
People you love pass away, get sick, suffer.
Relationships you used to have deteriorate and sometimes disappear.
You have to be responsible.
You have to learn to cook, and clean, and do never-ending laundry.
You have to deal with comparisons with everyone else. Am I doing all that I could with my life? Am I having as much fun as everyone else? Why doesn't my life seem as exciting as theirs?
Less time for yourself.
Hard decisions that can affect your whole life and the lives of those around you.
Etc.
I think in order to be happy and grow up at the same time you really have to make the conscious effort to look at the positives in your life. You have to literally count your blessings and realize how great the life is that you have. I'm so incredibly grateful for all of the things I have in my life. My husband, family, friends, home, job, and other opportunities I have... (there are SO many). Whenever I think about how much I hate growing up or I just want to die because we just got the utility bill and it's up $50 bucks from last time, I just have to focus on the fact that I even have a utility bill. A utility bill means I have a home with heat or AC or electricity so I can cook and have entertainment. I'm thankful for the laundry I have because it means I can afford to have clothes, clean clothes. I'm thankful for taxes because that means I have a job and I'm a member of this great country.
Well...and that's how you do it :)
Ingrid Michaelson--Sort Of
Regina Spektor--The Calculation
Kate Nash--Navy Taxi
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Hey little paintbrush!
12. Describe a typical day in your life.
Hilarious video for those of you who like Jenna Marbles, go watch her "Typical Day."
So, my life is pretty boring right now. During the week I wake up around 9:00 or 10 am. Pete doesn't get off work until like 2:00 am so we're kind of night owls. Which is why I blog around midnight when I actually do blog. Anywho, wake up at 9ish and I eat one of two things. I either eat two s'more poptarts or cereal. For some reason I have this thing where I go months at a time eating the same thing every morning. This drives Pete crazy and I don't quite understand it either. Right now, it's cereal.
Next thing I do is read for a little while before I get ready for the day or until Pete wakes up. (Right now I'm reading The Girl Who Played With Fire. So far, so good.) I like to let him sleep so I don't have to worry about him falling asleep and wrecking his car on the way home from work each night. After I procrastinate getting ready for about an hour I finally turn on a little music and get ready. I do the same routine, which I'm sure most girls do. Wash my face, blow dry my hair the rest of the way (I shower at night) and put on my make up. I do my hair and get dressed and by then Pete is usually up. We've been doing this schedule for only the past month or so since he got his current job. We watch our shows together and I tell him how much I dread going to work. I don't really DREAD it, I just would rather we both lived in a free house and could play games and watch shows and do whatever we want all day, errday. Ahh, that would be the life. Usually before work I pick up any supplies I need at Kents or Wal Mart. I go to work, prep for my activities, and run programs. Programs are 30 min. activities that I plan for the kids. There's usually 2 other staff and the kids get to choose each half hour which activity they want to do. After I get off work, I come home, binge on junk food (eeek) and do any cleaning or "stuff" that needs to be done until Pete gets home. Sometimes I visit with family, read, watch some shows, attempt to cook, draw, paint, or find some other random activity to occupy myself. Before, when I was in school, my schedule was classes all morning, work, homework at night. It's so nice now, being able to do fun things :)
Right now Pete and I live for the weekends. Each week he usually has a soccer game on Saturdays and we like to try and get up for yard sales. We don't see each other too much during the week so we spend our weekends glued together and trying to do fun things. Last weekend it was good food, zombies on COD, and visiting fam.
Preeeetty boring right now. We'll probably keep this up until fall when Pete goes back to school and my work schedules changes a little, or I try to get my masters, or we have magical little baby. I don't even know! :)
Eagles--Hotel California
Creedence Clearwater Revival--Have You Ever Seen The Rain?
12. Describe a typical day in your life.
Hilarious video for those of you who like Jenna Marbles, go watch her "Typical Day."
So, my life is pretty boring right now. During the week I wake up around 9:00 or 10 am. Pete doesn't get off work until like 2:00 am so we're kind of night owls. Which is why I blog around midnight when I actually do blog. Anywho, wake up at 9ish and I eat one of two things. I either eat two s'more poptarts or cereal. For some reason I have this thing where I go months at a time eating the same thing every morning. This drives Pete crazy and I don't quite understand it either. Right now, it's cereal.
Next thing I do is read for a little while before I get ready for the day or until Pete wakes up. (Right now I'm reading The Girl Who Played With Fire. So far, so good.) I like to let him sleep so I don't have to worry about him falling asleep and wrecking his car on the way home from work each night. After I procrastinate getting ready for about an hour I finally turn on a little music and get ready. I do the same routine, which I'm sure most girls do. Wash my face, blow dry my hair the rest of the way (I shower at night) and put on my make up. I do my hair and get dressed and by then Pete is usually up. We've been doing this schedule for only the past month or so since he got his current job. We watch our shows together and I tell him how much I dread going to work. I don't really DREAD it, I just would rather we both lived in a free house and could play games and watch shows and do whatever we want all day, errday. Ahh, that would be the life. Usually before work I pick up any supplies I need at Kents or Wal Mart. I go to work, prep for my activities, and run programs. Programs are 30 min. activities that I plan for the kids. There's usually 2 other staff and the kids get to choose each half hour which activity they want to do. After I get off work, I come home, binge on junk food (eeek) and do any cleaning or "stuff" that needs to be done until Pete gets home. Sometimes I visit with family, read, watch some shows, attempt to cook, draw, paint, or find some other random activity to occupy myself. Before, when I was in school, my schedule was classes all morning, work, homework at night. It's so nice now, being able to do fun things :)
Right now Pete and I live for the weekends. Each week he usually has a soccer game on Saturdays and we like to try and get up for yard sales. We don't see each other too much during the week so we spend our weekends glued together and trying to do fun things. Last weekend it was good food, zombies on COD, and visiting fam.
Preeeetty boring right now. We'll probably keep this up until fall when Pete goes back to school and my work schedules changes a little, or I try to get my masters, or we have magical little baby. I don't even know! :)
Eagles--Hotel California
Creedence Clearwater Revival--Have You Ever Seen The Rain?
Eleventy Seven.
11. Describe 5 pet peeves you have
Hmmm, just 5? Just kidding I'm pretty tolerant. Ha, oh wait, no I'm not. Just kidding I am. But seriously, no. ....OKAY!
1. One thing I can think of right off the bat is when people are so self-centered they have no idea how they act or treat people. Sometimes with these people I try to give subtle hints to the fact that they are only concerned about themselves, ever, and they are so consumed with their own self-ness they don't even see the friggin' hints! I've had so many people who I think I could be good friends with but when I hang out with them it's all about them and it literally drives me crazy. "What do you want to do? Ok, well can we do this, too? No? Okay. I'm too much of a push-over to say anything so we'll just do what you want. And eat what you want to eat. And listen to the music you want to listen to. And play the games you want to play. And I will just float along counting the minutes until I don't have to spend any more time with you." Seriously. That's how it goes.
2. Mean people. Ok, this is turning into like, the kind of people I don't like, but who cares. I hate mean people. I hate bullies, people who are arrogant or think they're above everyone else. I hate when people belittle others to make themselves feel better about, whatever. I hate when people are mean. I wish all the mean people in the world had to go to like this hunger games and they just sat in a room and were super mean to each other and...I don't really know what else would happen because I didn't really think this through, but they would all know how the rest of the world felt because they'd have been surrounded by people like them. I know the world isn't all sunshine and butterflies and you can't always be nice to everyone... but sometimes...it would be kinda cool.
3. When people don't take care of their children. I mean, they're YOUR children! You chose to have them; they came out of your body or DNA. They're your responsibility. Now, I'm not talking about the exhausted moms at Wal Mart whose children are just screaming because they're ornery or tired. I'm talking about people who are perfectly capable of making sure their children aren't gagging down dirt or digging in the trash and they just think, ah, what the heck, they'll be fine. Another thing that drives me crazy is when people expect other people to take care of their kids. They don't go after their kids when they're running away because they know someone else will do it. Just. Drives. Me. Bananas. Take care of your kids. Don't expect other people to do it because even though we act like it's okay, it gets really annoying. Ha, maybe I wouldn't have a job though if everyone decided they wanted to take care of their kids. The jury is out.
4. Okay, this whole post is going to piss a lot of people off, I already know it. Please don't be offended. Just know that I'm tired and ignorant and am just typing the first things that come to mind. Alright, I love all of your children. They're all beautiful and perfect and wonderful and all of that great stuff. However, I don't want to hear about every booger that comes out of their nose or see 5,000 pictures of them eating their first cookie, spaghetti noodle, or carrot. I think this all comes from the part of me that doesn't have kids or understand the beauty of all of these things yet. Maybe someday? Like I said, your kids are amazing; you really don't have to stop posting about them every 5 seconds on facebook, this is just me ranting. But something you can stop doing..please stop asking questions about breastfeeding, icky labor details, and what to do when your child's poop is green and has small chunks of blue mystery substances inside it. Gross, right? I see it all the friggin time! Just, TMIIIII. Put that jazz into a private convo.
5. Hmmm... what else bothers me...
When people don't wash their hands after using the bathroom.
When people don't use deodorant.
Know it alls.
Suck ups.
People who preach to others like their own life depends on it.
Loud people.
Bad hygiene.
People who put all their drama on their facebook status. We don't all need to know about that F-ing A-hole you dated for two years.
Closed-minded people.
People who tell the whole world how great their lives are everyday even when we know it's not like that.
Creepy men who hit on any woman with...legs.
Mom's who act more immature than their children. Dads as well.
Parents/people WHO DO NOT TAKE CARE OF THEIR CHILDREN OR ANIMALS.
People who post pictures of THEMSELVES EVERY SINGLE DAY. Ain't nobody got time for that.
....etc.
Jack Johnson--Home
Norah Jones--Don't Know Why
Jackson 5--I Want You Back
Hmmm, just 5? Just kidding I'm pretty tolerant. Ha, oh wait, no I'm not. Just kidding I am. But seriously, no. ....OKAY!
1. One thing I can think of right off the bat is when people are so self-centered they have no idea how they act or treat people. Sometimes with these people I try to give subtle hints to the fact that they are only concerned about themselves, ever, and they are so consumed with their own self-ness they don't even see the friggin' hints! I've had so many people who I think I could be good friends with but when I hang out with them it's all about them and it literally drives me crazy. "What do you want to do? Ok, well can we do this, too? No? Okay. I'm too much of a push-over to say anything so we'll just do what you want. And eat what you want to eat. And listen to the music you want to listen to. And play the games you want to play. And I will just float along counting the minutes until I don't have to spend any more time with you." Seriously. That's how it goes.
2. Mean people. Ok, this is turning into like, the kind of people I don't like, but who cares. I hate mean people. I hate bullies, people who are arrogant or think they're above everyone else. I hate when people belittle others to make themselves feel better about, whatever. I hate when people are mean. I wish all the mean people in the world had to go to like this hunger games and they just sat in a room and were super mean to each other and...I don't really know what else would happen because I didn't really think this through, but they would all know how the rest of the world felt because they'd have been surrounded by people like them. I know the world isn't all sunshine and butterflies and you can't always be nice to everyone... but sometimes...it would be kinda cool.
3. When people don't take care of their children. I mean, they're YOUR children! You chose to have them; they came out of your body or DNA. They're your responsibility. Now, I'm not talking about the exhausted moms at Wal Mart whose children are just screaming because they're ornery or tired. I'm talking about people who are perfectly capable of making sure their children aren't gagging down dirt or digging in the trash and they just think, ah, what the heck, they'll be fine. Another thing that drives me crazy is when people expect other people to take care of their kids. They don't go after their kids when they're running away because they know someone else will do it. Just. Drives. Me. Bananas. Take care of your kids. Don't expect other people to do it because even though we act like it's okay, it gets really annoying. Ha, maybe I wouldn't have a job though if everyone decided they wanted to take care of their kids. The jury is out.
4. Okay, this whole post is going to piss a lot of people off, I already know it. Please don't be offended. Just know that I'm tired and ignorant and am just typing the first things that come to mind. Alright, I love all of your children. They're all beautiful and perfect and wonderful and all of that great stuff. However, I don't want to hear about every booger that comes out of their nose or see 5,000 pictures of them eating their first cookie, spaghetti noodle, or carrot. I think this all comes from the part of me that doesn't have kids or understand the beauty of all of these things yet. Maybe someday? Like I said, your kids are amazing; you really don't have to stop posting about them every 5 seconds on facebook, this is just me ranting. But something you can stop doing..please stop asking questions about breastfeeding, icky labor details, and what to do when your child's poop is green and has small chunks of blue mystery substances inside it. Gross, right? I see it all the friggin time! Just, TMIIIII. Put that jazz into a private convo.
5. Hmmm... what else bothers me...
When people don't wash their hands after using the bathroom.
When people don't use deodorant.
Know it alls.
Suck ups.
People who preach to others like their own life depends on it.
Loud people.
Bad hygiene.
People who put all their drama on their facebook status. We don't all need to know about that F-ing A-hole you dated for two years.
Closed-minded people.
People who tell the whole world how great their lives are everyday even when we know it's not like that.
Creepy men who hit on any woman with...legs.
Mom's who act more immature than their children. Dads as well.
Parents/people WHO DO NOT TAKE CARE OF THEIR CHILDREN OR ANIMALS.
People who post pictures of THEMSELVES EVERY SINGLE DAY. Ain't nobody got time for that.
....etc.
Jack Johnson--Home
Norah Jones--Don't Know Why
Jackson 5--I Want You Back
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
aksdjf;ka;iofewoavn;
Oh, hey there little cricket! Today a giant cricket was in my room at work today. I pointed it out to the kids like I wasn't even scared and they all came over to look at it. When they tried to squish it I gave it the "it's just a poor helpless insect, how would you feel if you were treated like that?" lecture and we decided to catch it to let it go. This cricket was literally the size of a small cell phone and could jump like no other. I had no idea crickets could jump like that. Maybe it wasn't even a cricket. It was naaaaystay. To make a long story short, after several attempts to catch it in a plastic cup and me having a few bursts of uncontrollable screams, it was caught and taken outside. After being on the ground for 1.2 seconds a little evil boy ran over and stomped on the poor little thing. We gave it so much hope that it was going to life and be free again...and it was crushed. Literally.
So for a quick update on life right now.. not much! We've started summer club (like I've said before) and it has been crrraaaazzzyy. With people quitting and having over 100 kids each day I'm just excited for summer to be over. That's really sad when I think about it.. I'm excited for summer to be over??? Strike that! Reverse. I'm so excited it's summer and wish it would last foreeeevvvveeeer! Really though, 100+ sweaty kids in the same building for 12 hours = one stressed out me. Good thing I'm only there for the last 7 hours of it...eeek.
So yeah, I've just been working. And Pete's just been working. That's our life right now. Hopefully some day it will become more than that but for right now I think we're just trying to save up money and figure out our next plan of attack--BOOM! I can't wait til I can get on here and post a bajillion pictures of the cool places I've been and things I've seen like everyone else always does. And when my children cure cancer and I end world hunger I'll post about that as well. For now, this is what you get. Cricket stories.
Tomorrow is Thursday. I'm excited for a few different reasons. One, it's closer to Friday. And two, it's garbage day. It's always a good day to get all the garbage out of your house. Am I right or am I right? And three, I get to go swimming! That's right. Even though some days I just want to cry because dealing with crazy kids all day can be super stressful, there are definitely the perks. Like quick revive and juggernog. Tomorrow I get to take a few of my kids swimming at the Brigham City Pool. We went last Thursday and it actually went just fine. No one even died or crapped in the pool. Hopefully tomorrow will go smoothly as well. I just love my chillens. Can I just repeat that some more? I work with the best (and yes, craziest) kids in the world.
So I haven't been blogging lately for some reason. I feel like I have too much going on in my life even though I really don't. Pete has been sick for like three weeks straight and I had some weird stomach bug Sunday. Good news though--we are both pretty much betttttttter! Hiiiiya!
My brain is a little scattered right now. I'm thinking about work, money, babies, music, a;ldkjf;asdjfla;ds;f. That's why the title of this post is just that. It's my brain right now, and lately.
More things I'm thinking...
I suck with gifts. I want to work. I don't want to work. I want a baby. I don't want a baby. I need to workout. I love junk food. Mmmm potato chips. I'm SO stressed! I'm so bored. What should I do? I have too many things to get done! I want to write a book about zombies. I want to be an artist. I should go to graduate school. I wanna be a stay at home mom. I'm hungry. I'm full. I'm hot. It's chilly. I wish I had a new phone. I don't need a new phone. I want to be a therapist. I want to travel. I hate leaving my house. Sometimes, I suck at life.
See? There ya go. a;ldkjfa;lsdf ;alsdjf;asldf
On to the next!
10? I think I'm on 10 with this blogging challenge ring-a-ding-thing? I don't think I'll ever finish. I mean, YES I CANNNNNN!
10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.
When I think about this I don't really have any ultimate, traumatic, life-impacting embarrassing moments, just a lot of small ones I can't really seem to forget. It seems like when you're a person who has anxiety, or social anxiety, embarrassing moments are a daily occurrence. I feel like I'm always saying something and then looking back at the conversation and feeling like a complete moron. One embarrassing moment I will never forget is when I was just first dating Pete and we were going to to meet his mom's side of the family pretty much, at some sort of get-together. I was nervous because I wanted them all the like me and I didn't want anyone to know about the freak that I really am (mahaha) so I tried acting all nice and bubbly (why do I do this when I get nervous? Great question. I have no idea.) So Pete went outside and left me inside with all of his family--rude, you just don't do that to a girl. All of a sudden, one of his cousins looked up from a photo album he was looking at and yelled someone's name. I had no idea who he was or who he was talking to but I literally thought he was looking straight at me. I asked, "What is it?" to try to figure out what he was even talking about. He looked at me super confused and asked if my name was the same name he was calling (his wife's). I said no, but he kept calling for the person kind of and looking RIGHT AT ME. (I later was told it was because I was sitting right in front of the screen door, his wife was outside). Also, I'm leaving out names because I still feel like an absolute moron. Anyway! So he looks at what I thought was me, again, and since I didn't want to be rude if he was for some odd reason talking to me, I went over to look at the photo album like he was saying. This is in front of Pete's entire family and they all just watch me like a freak. I sit down as he awkwardly flips through a few pictures and wonders what in the BLEEP I am doing. His wife then comes in, I mumble some awkward words and run back to my seat so she can sit by her husband, like he was asking. Now, this all sounds probably kind of confusing and maybe you don't even know why I did what I did or why it was so embarrassing. I'm just a freak. That's all there is too it. Shmeeble.
Other embarrassing moments...
Being de-pants by my younger sister in front of one of my best friends in middle school. Bare-butt-naked.
Countless times misunderstanding people because I'm too focused on not misunderstanding them.
Farting in front of people I wish I could never fart in front of. Seriously, sometimes you don't even see em' coming. They just sneak right out with the intentions to ruin your life. WTF.
Bursting into tears at a family Christmas party over a stupid joke and refusing to come out of the bathroom.
Bursting into tears at a work meeting. It's like my go-to thing, I guess.
I'm sure there are many, many more. I'm honestly quite happy that none of them are coming to mind right now though, maybe I'm not as traumatized about things as I usually think I will be. If I remember them, I'll be sure to come back and post em!
Ingrid Michaelson--The Way I Am
Regina Spektor--The Calculation
Florence + The Machine--Dog Days Are Over
So for a quick update on life right now.. not much! We've started summer club (like I've said before) and it has been crrraaaazzzyy. With people quitting and having over 100 kids each day I'm just excited for summer to be over. That's really sad when I think about it.. I'm excited for summer to be over??? Strike that! Reverse. I'm so excited it's summer and wish it would last foreeeevvvveeeer! Really though, 100+ sweaty kids in the same building for 12 hours = one stressed out me. Good thing I'm only there for the last 7 hours of it...eeek.
So yeah, I've just been working. And Pete's just been working. That's our life right now. Hopefully some day it will become more than that but for right now I think we're just trying to save up money and figure out our next plan of attack--BOOM! I can't wait til I can get on here and post a bajillion pictures of the cool places I've been and things I've seen like everyone else always does. And when my children cure cancer and I end world hunger I'll post about that as well. For now, this is what you get. Cricket stories.
Tomorrow is Thursday. I'm excited for a few different reasons. One, it's closer to Friday. And two, it's garbage day. It's always a good day to get all the garbage out of your house. Am I right or am I right? And three, I get to go swimming! That's right. Even though some days I just want to cry because dealing with crazy kids all day can be super stressful, there are definitely the perks. Like quick revive and juggernog. Tomorrow I get to take a few of my kids swimming at the Brigham City Pool. We went last Thursday and it actually went just fine. No one even died or crapped in the pool. Hopefully tomorrow will go smoothly as well. I just love my chillens. Can I just repeat that some more? I work with the best (and yes, craziest) kids in the world.
So I haven't been blogging lately for some reason. I feel like I have too much going on in my life even though I really don't. Pete has been sick for like three weeks straight and I had some weird stomach bug Sunday. Good news though--we are both pretty much betttttttter! Hiiiiya!
My brain is a little scattered right now. I'm thinking about work, money, babies, music, a;ldkjf;asdjfla;ds;f. That's why the title of this post is just that. It's my brain right now, and lately.
More things I'm thinking...
I suck with gifts. I want to work. I don't want to work. I want a baby. I don't want a baby. I need to workout. I love junk food. Mmmm potato chips. I'm SO stressed! I'm so bored. What should I do? I have too many things to get done! I want to write a book about zombies. I want to be an artist. I should go to graduate school. I wanna be a stay at home mom. I'm hungry. I'm full. I'm hot. It's chilly. I wish I had a new phone. I don't need a new phone. I want to be a therapist. I want to travel. I hate leaving my house. Sometimes, I suck at life.
See? There ya go. a;ldkjfa;lsdf ;alsdjf;asldf
On to the next!
10? I think I'm on 10 with this blogging challenge ring-a-ding-thing? I don't think I'll ever finish. I mean, YES I CANNNNNN!
10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.
When I think about this I don't really have any ultimate, traumatic, life-impacting embarrassing moments, just a lot of small ones I can't really seem to forget. It seems like when you're a person who has anxiety, or social anxiety, embarrassing moments are a daily occurrence. I feel like I'm always saying something and then looking back at the conversation and feeling like a complete moron. One embarrassing moment I will never forget is when I was just first dating Pete and we were going to to meet his mom's side of the family pretty much, at some sort of get-together. I was nervous because I wanted them all the like me and I didn't want anyone to know about the freak that I really am (mahaha) so I tried acting all nice and bubbly (why do I do this when I get nervous? Great question. I have no idea.) So Pete went outside and left me inside with all of his family--rude, you just don't do that to a girl. All of a sudden, one of his cousins looked up from a photo album he was looking at and yelled someone's name. I had no idea who he was or who he was talking to but I literally thought he was looking straight at me. I asked, "What is it?" to try to figure out what he was even talking about. He looked at me super confused and asked if my name was the same name he was calling (his wife's). I said no, but he kept calling for the person kind of and looking RIGHT AT ME. (I later was told it was because I was sitting right in front of the screen door, his wife was outside). Also, I'm leaving out names because I still feel like an absolute moron. Anyway! So he looks at what I thought was me, again, and since I didn't want to be rude if he was for some odd reason talking to me, I went over to look at the photo album like he was saying. This is in front of Pete's entire family and they all just watch me like a freak. I sit down as he awkwardly flips through a few pictures and wonders what in the BLEEP I am doing. His wife then comes in, I mumble some awkward words and run back to my seat so she can sit by her husband, like he was asking. Now, this all sounds probably kind of confusing and maybe you don't even know why I did what I did or why it was so embarrassing. I'm just a freak. That's all there is too it. Shmeeble.
Other embarrassing moments...
Being de-pants by my younger sister in front of one of my best friends in middle school. Bare-butt-naked.
Countless times misunderstanding people because I'm too focused on not misunderstanding them.
Farting in front of people I wish I could never fart in front of. Seriously, sometimes you don't even see em' coming. They just sneak right out with the intentions to ruin your life. WTF.
Bursting into tears at a family Christmas party over a stupid joke and refusing to come out of the bathroom.
Bursting into tears at a work meeting. It's like my go-to thing, I guess.
I'm sure there are many, many more. I'm honestly quite happy that none of them are coming to mind right now though, maybe I'm not as traumatized about things as I usually think I will be. If I remember them, I'll be sure to come back and post em!
Ingrid Michaelson--The Way I Am
Regina Spektor--The Calculation
Florence + The Machine--Dog Days Are Over
Friday, May 31, 2013
Olee Cdrap!
Oh, hey there beautiful.
Sooooo I completely suck at blogging, again. Story of most of my life; I get into something, devote hours to it, then get bored of it and move onto something else. I do this with reading, drawing, painting, obviously blogging, crocheting, cooking, etc. I really need to stick to something... but whatev!
So I have to do a quick update. Not because anything new or exciting is happening in my life but I have to blog about my awesome little sister and her GRADUATION. I'm so proud of her! Ya hear that Z? I am so freakin' proud of you I can't even stand it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anywho, today was her graduation and I'm not gonna lie I got teary-eyed more than once. I can't believe how grown up she is and that she's all done with kindergarten, elementary school, and now high school. It seems unreal. I'm so excited to see what's in store for her. She's got the world at her fingertips and she really is smart enough and determined enough that she could do ANYTHING she puts her mind to. Love ya guuuuuurl :D
Besides blubbering about my little sister growing up (tear) not too much has been going on. Last week we were able to have a 3 day weekend with Memorial Day being on Monday and can I just say I needed that?! I need a vacation. Really, my life isn't that hard but I tend to make mountains out of molehills and can get stressed out really easily. Last week was pretty rough but this week has been nice and laid back so I think I'm getting the little break I need before CRAZY summer starts. Most people are excited for summer, and I am, but I'm also a little nervous. Summer means working a few more hours and dealing with some craaazy, stinky, sweaty, (but awesome) kids.
Two days later...
So yeah! Summer club is starting up on Monday and I'm pretty excited for that. I was dreading it until today. We had a staff meeting and I'm excited about the people I'll be working with this summer. The meeting/training kind of gave me a refresher and helped remind me why I work there. I love the kids at the club and hope I can keep making a difference and helping them each day. Blah blah blah, but it's true :)
The next few bits will be me catching up on the little blogging challenge. I think having this "challenge" has hindered me from writing a little because I want to say something clever and witty each time I write. I've given up on that though and you'll just get what comes out of my brain. Braaaaaiiiin vomiiiiiit! Braaaaaaains... Zombies... Yessss.
7. What is your dream job, and why? Dream job... I think this question scares me. If I decide what my "dream job" is and give it a title, I fear that when/if I don't achieve that specific title, I'll be disappointed. So saying "my dream job is to be a counselor!" is kind of setting myself up for disappointment. Not that I don't think I could ever get to that point, I just don't really even know what my dream job is yet.. So I'll go ahead and describe some of the characteristics of my dream job. My dream job would pay enough that I wouldn't have to really worry about money. I don't want to have a fancy car or a huge house, I just want enough that I don't need to worry about bills, insurance, buying gifts I actually want to get people, etc. That's right. Buying gifts for people is a freakin' dilemma. So it'd be nice to make enough that none of those worries plague my everyday life. The next thing is that my job is fulfilling. I never want to work at a job where I hate what I do or who I work with. I don't want to work somewhere where I dread going to work or feel like I'm not making some sort of positive difference in SOMEONE'S life. I would want to feel happy about the work I do. Another thing which isn't really a priority right now but probably will be someday is like...flexibility. When I have a family I don't want to have to worry about getting fired if I have to stay home with my sick kid or leave because one of my crazy kids broke their arm at school. I want to work somewhere where they understand that life happens and that family is pretty dang important. Hey, a girl can dream right?
8. What are 5 passions you have? As anyone who knows me already knows I have many passions. I don't always stick to them or devote as much time to them as I'd like but I sure do have a lot of them. One passion I have is helping people. Sounds suuuuuper corny but growing up with kind of a chaotic family life it made me appreciate things that I might have taken for granted of if my life would have been different. Hmm, just read that back, didn't make sense. Hopefully you get the gist because I'm too lazy to reword it right now. Anywho, I feel like since I've experienced a lot of joy and happiness I have this need to help others to feel that too. There's too much hurt in the world for people to turn the other cheek and ignore other people's suffering. There will always be suffering in the world but if we all worked to help each other out this life could be even better than it is right now.
Another passion I have is art. I love to sketch, draw, and paint. I would feel much happier about this passion of mine if every time I sat down to make some art it turned out the way I wanted but what in life works like that, right? My favorite things to paint/draw are people, unintentionally jacked-up faces, nature, animals, etc. Art is just a great way to get into the "flow" that I've talked about before and when for the .5% of the time my pictures turn out decent it's just very...lovely.
Another passion is reading. I love to read. Fiction, nonfiction, horror, romance, sci-fi, I love a little bit of everything. Reading is one of those things that can help when you need to just get away from the world. I've read the Harry Potter series like 8 times and I'm hoping that one day Dumbledore (alive and well) shows up at my doorstep and tells me they lost my invite to Hogwarts in the mail and I'm going to the wonderful and magical school of witchcraft and wizardry. Again, a girl can dream. (Yes, I just went there).
Music. Right now it's May 31st and I have been reminded about 15 times in the last 3 days that I'm approaching my listening limit on Pandora music radio. I'm pretty sure I have about 1 or 2 more hours left (the limit is 40 hours per month) and then will have to listen from my laptop. I will be using this time up during this blog post, you're welcome. Seriously though. Music is just, a part of life. I have music on in the morning when I get ready, in my car on my way to work, at work, on the way home, and when I blog, paint, clean, and while I shower. I love happy music that can inspire you or can make you smile or feel excited about life. I love music that is silly and upbeat. I CANNOT STAND depressing music that makes you sad and well, depressed. Who has time for that in their life? Ain't nobody got time fo that! Seriously. Turn that shiz off! Haha just kiddin', you listen to whatever you want little one :)
Last passion... I would say for the last of the five I'll just list a few that I have instead of really elaborating on one. I have a new-found passion for growing things like plants and flowers. I'm not very good at it but there's nothing like waking up each day and seeing your little plants grow a little taller and sprout more. Maybe this will change when I have an actually baby but for now, it's sufficient for me. I love buying school supplies. My husband always has to steer me away from the pen isle at Wal Mart because I could literally spend my entire life savings on new pens, markers, and pencils. I have boxes of new pens and pencils and still have the need to get more. I love a new fresh notebook that has yet to be written in. I love folders, planners, and graph paper. I could never have enough of these things. It's like a shoe obsession, but not. Another passion I have is for learning. I don't know a lot about one thing but I feel like I know a little about a lot of things. Article on how to be a good parent on Pinterest? Read it. Label on my can of pop? Seen it. Ingredients in this dinner I will probably never make? Looked it over a few times. I wish I had a photographic memory because if I could remember every little thing I ever read I would be a freakin' genius. People would pay me to tell them about random crap I read. I just know it.
There are more passions, maybe I'll add them as they pop into my brain.
9. List 5 people who have influenced you and describe how. Ooooo. A people one. These always get me. I'm gonna go ahead and say screw it to the 5 number because that makes me stress about order and who I met first and who I see most and blah blah blah craziness in my brain...a;sldkfja;lsdkfj... Okay, here goes.
First person I can say that has really influenced me is my grandma. Most people know their grandma as the lady that smells funny or squeezes your cheeks when you see her or makes cookies like nobody's business. For me my grandma was like a legit parent. When I was 13 my grandma took custody of me and my sister. She'd been helping take care of us since before I can remember but we actually moved in with her in Brigham City when I was 13. My oma (as we call her) is definitely one of the most influential people in my life. She has taught me how to be compassionate to everyone, behind closed doors, without making a fuss about it. She's definitely this top-secret granny-hero who goes around doing good deeds and people don't even see what she does and she receives no applause of fanfare. She has taught me to be a hardworking woman who is dependent on no one but herself. I'm not quite to where I'd like to be with that, like she is, but I feel like I'm improving a little more everyday. She will never ask for help, even as she's getting older and is in pain every day from back problems. She's strong-willed and stubborn, the way a lot of us women should be. She doesn't take crap from anyone and she'll tell it like it is. She's the most selfless person I can think of and I honestly have no idea where I would be in my life today without her. I definitely wouldn't have gone to college or even graduated high school without her pushing me to be the best I could be. I wouldn't have met my sweetheart or felt good enough to marry such a wonderful guy if it wasn't for her helping me to feel confident about myself and my life. I seriously can't say enough about her and how much I appreciate all that's she's done for me. Thanks oma.
Oh, and she makes great cookies, too.
Another person I can put is my hubby. I've already gone on and on about him in previous posts so I'll spare the lovey-dovey part and talk about how he is my ROCK. Sometimes I'm such a freak with my anxiety and social-retarded-ness, but guess what? He still loves me. (I don't get it either.) He's really helped me to reach out and do things in my life for me. When I get too scared to try something new or take a risk he's always there to tell me that no matter what he's there for me and that things will work out. Some days I'll come home, wanting to cry from a terrible day and think, I honestly could not cope with life sometimes if I didn't have the support system I do. He's so positive, hopeful, and encouraging. I feel like I can conquer the world with him at my side. Thanks babe :)
My little oober goober sister is another person who has influenced me. Picture me, all scared of the world and hiding in my shell and then picture her, an outgoing and fearless social butterfly. She's younger than I am but she shows no fear. She's up for going out with her friends every night of the week, getting a new job, trying new things and meeting new people. She is always helping me to feel like it's okay that I have weaknesses but it's also a good thing to step out of my bubble. She is the most resilient and loving sister anyone could ask for. She helps me to feel loved and I know I can be the stinkiest, weirdest, most crazy person in the entire world and she'll still love me. She's had a huge influence on me and the person I've become and I only hope I can be as independent, adventurous, and strong as her someday. Thanks little seester.
There are many more people that have influenced me as well but I'm honestly too tired to write them all out. Sorry guys! I will get you in here someday though :) Just a few though that I have to mention who have taught me things or influenced me in some way.
My mom taught me to love. She has a huge love for all things animals, nature, and those closest to her. She would take in any animal and love it like one of her own children. She is always nursing her little plants back to life and befriending those that need it most. She has taught me to love all people, from all different walks of life. This is something I will keep with me for the rest of my life. Thanks ma.
My dad has taught me to laugh. Oh, and gave me my awesome love for classic rock!!!!!! I remember driving with him in the car when I was just a little girl and he would play the air guitar on the steering wheel while I did the drums or...wait for it...the triangle. Hahahaha. He would quiz me about who sung the song that was on as fast as I could. I remember guessing "Styx!" "Led Zeppelin " or "Pink Floyd!" I think my love for a wide variety of music is because of him. Other things that I'll keep with me forever thanks to him is my appreciation for the wonderful junk food and pizza in this world, my obsession with horror movies, and my strong love for family even when you don't see them very often. Thanks dad.
My aunt Holli, thanks for being another one of my parents. I have a lot of people who I would consider parents because of the love and support they've shown me since I was a little girl until now and forever. I remember thinking about how I wanted my life to be when I was all grown up and had a family of my own. I always saw myself at your house, feeling safe and loved, and playing army/CIA/"boy stuff" with your sons. I hope I can be as good of a mom and wife/aunt/daughter/friend/mom as you are someday. Thanks Holli.
Other people that have influenced me include my awesome in-laws and sibling-in laws. Family near and far that I don't see enough of. Teachers from middle and high school. (Thanks Mrs. Williams!) Coworkers. Friends. Friends of friends. Random people on TV that are inspirational. College teachers. Thank you all for helping me to become the person I am. I know I missed a lot of people who have influenced me here but just know you are in my heart. (This post is getting a little long.) But thanks for believing in me, and showing me unconditional love. I honestly could never repay any of you so just...thanks :)
Phillip Phillip--Home
Ingrid Michaelson--Be Ok
Bob Marley--One Love
Ingrid Michaelson--Everybody
Regina Spektor--One More Time With Feeling
Amo Lee--Sweet Pea
I wish I could put all these songs together on a playlist for when you read my posts. Go listen to some of them! :)
Sooooo I completely suck at blogging, again. Story of most of my life; I get into something, devote hours to it, then get bored of it and move onto something else. I do this with reading, drawing, painting, obviously blogging, crocheting, cooking, etc. I really need to stick to something... but whatev!
So I have to do a quick update. Not because anything new or exciting is happening in my life but I have to blog about my awesome little sister and her GRADUATION. I'm so proud of her! Ya hear that Z? I am so freakin' proud of you I can't even stand it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anywho, today was her graduation and I'm not gonna lie I got teary-eyed more than once. I can't believe how grown up she is and that she's all done with kindergarten, elementary school, and now high school. It seems unreal. I'm so excited to see what's in store for her. She's got the world at her fingertips and she really is smart enough and determined enough that she could do ANYTHING she puts her mind to. Love ya guuuuuurl :D
Besides blubbering about my little sister growing up (tear) not too much has been going on. Last week we were able to have a 3 day weekend with Memorial Day being on Monday and can I just say I needed that?! I need a vacation. Really, my life isn't that hard but I tend to make mountains out of molehills and can get stressed out really easily. Last week was pretty rough but this week has been nice and laid back so I think I'm getting the little break I need before CRAZY summer starts. Most people are excited for summer, and I am, but I'm also a little nervous. Summer means working a few more hours and dealing with some craaazy, stinky, sweaty, (but awesome) kids.
Two days later...
So yeah! Summer club is starting up on Monday and I'm pretty excited for that. I was dreading it until today. We had a staff meeting and I'm excited about the people I'll be working with this summer. The meeting/training kind of gave me a refresher and helped remind me why I work there. I love the kids at the club and hope I can keep making a difference and helping them each day. Blah blah blah, but it's true :)
The next few bits will be me catching up on the little blogging challenge. I think having this "challenge" has hindered me from writing a little because I want to say something clever and witty each time I write. I've given up on that though and you'll just get what comes out of my brain. Braaaaaiiiin vomiiiiiit! Braaaaaaains... Zombies... Yessss.
7. What is your dream job, and why? Dream job... I think this question scares me. If I decide what my "dream job" is and give it a title, I fear that when/if I don't achieve that specific title, I'll be disappointed. So saying "my dream job is to be a counselor!" is kind of setting myself up for disappointment. Not that I don't think I could ever get to that point, I just don't really even know what my dream job is yet.. So I'll go ahead and describe some of the characteristics of my dream job. My dream job would pay enough that I wouldn't have to really worry about money. I don't want to have a fancy car or a huge house, I just want enough that I don't need to worry about bills, insurance, buying gifts I actually want to get people, etc. That's right. Buying gifts for people is a freakin' dilemma. So it'd be nice to make enough that none of those worries plague my everyday life. The next thing is that my job is fulfilling. I never want to work at a job where I hate what I do or who I work with. I don't want to work somewhere where I dread going to work or feel like I'm not making some sort of positive difference in SOMEONE'S life. I would want to feel happy about the work I do. Another thing which isn't really a priority right now but probably will be someday is like...flexibility. When I have a family I don't want to have to worry about getting fired if I have to stay home with my sick kid or leave because one of my crazy kids broke their arm at school. I want to work somewhere where they understand that life happens and that family is pretty dang important. Hey, a girl can dream right?
8. What are 5 passions you have? As anyone who knows me already knows I have many passions. I don't always stick to them or devote as much time to them as I'd like but I sure do have a lot of them. One passion I have is helping people. Sounds suuuuuper corny but growing up with kind of a chaotic family life it made me appreciate things that I might have taken for granted of if my life would have been different. Hmm, just read that back, didn't make sense. Hopefully you get the gist because I'm too lazy to reword it right now. Anywho, I feel like since I've experienced a lot of joy and happiness I have this need to help others to feel that too. There's too much hurt in the world for people to turn the other cheek and ignore other people's suffering. There will always be suffering in the world but if we all worked to help each other out this life could be even better than it is right now.
Another passion I have is art. I love to sketch, draw, and paint. I would feel much happier about this passion of mine if every time I sat down to make some art it turned out the way I wanted but what in life works like that, right? My favorite things to paint/draw are people, unintentionally jacked-up faces, nature, animals, etc. Art is just a great way to get into the "flow" that I've talked about before and when for the .5% of the time my pictures turn out decent it's just very...lovely.
Another passion is reading. I love to read. Fiction, nonfiction, horror, romance, sci-fi, I love a little bit of everything. Reading is one of those things that can help when you need to just get away from the world. I've read the Harry Potter series like 8 times and I'm hoping that one day Dumbledore (alive and well) shows up at my doorstep and tells me they lost my invite to Hogwarts in the mail and I'm going to the wonderful and magical school of witchcraft and wizardry. Again, a girl can dream. (Yes, I just went there).
Music. Right now it's May 31st and I have been reminded about 15 times in the last 3 days that I'm approaching my listening limit on Pandora music radio. I'm pretty sure I have about 1 or 2 more hours left (the limit is 40 hours per month) and then will have to listen from my laptop. I will be using this time up during this blog post, you're welcome. Seriously though. Music is just, a part of life. I have music on in the morning when I get ready, in my car on my way to work, at work, on the way home, and when I blog, paint, clean, and while I shower. I love happy music that can inspire you or can make you smile or feel excited about life. I love music that is silly and upbeat. I CANNOT STAND depressing music that makes you sad and well, depressed. Who has time for that in their life? Ain't nobody got time fo that! Seriously. Turn that shiz off! Haha just kiddin', you listen to whatever you want little one :)
Last passion... I would say for the last of the five I'll just list a few that I have instead of really elaborating on one. I have a new-found passion for growing things like plants and flowers. I'm not very good at it but there's nothing like waking up each day and seeing your little plants grow a little taller and sprout more. Maybe this will change when I have an actually baby but for now, it's sufficient for me. I love buying school supplies. My husband always has to steer me away from the pen isle at Wal Mart because I could literally spend my entire life savings on new pens, markers, and pencils. I have boxes of new pens and pencils and still have the need to get more. I love a new fresh notebook that has yet to be written in. I love folders, planners, and graph paper. I could never have enough of these things. It's like a shoe obsession, but not. Another passion I have is for learning. I don't know a lot about one thing but I feel like I know a little about a lot of things. Article on how to be a good parent on Pinterest? Read it. Label on my can of pop? Seen it. Ingredients in this dinner I will probably never make? Looked it over a few times. I wish I had a photographic memory because if I could remember every little thing I ever read I would be a freakin' genius. People would pay me to tell them about random crap I read. I just know it.
There are more passions, maybe I'll add them as they pop into my brain.
9. List 5 people who have influenced you and describe how. Ooooo. A people one. These always get me. I'm gonna go ahead and say screw it to the 5 number because that makes me stress about order and who I met first and who I see most and blah blah blah craziness in my brain...a;sldkfja;lsdkfj... Okay, here goes.
First person I can say that has really influenced me is my grandma. Most people know their grandma as the lady that smells funny or squeezes your cheeks when you see her or makes cookies like nobody's business. For me my grandma was like a legit parent. When I was 13 my grandma took custody of me and my sister. She'd been helping take care of us since before I can remember but we actually moved in with her in Brigham City when I was 13. My oma (as we call her) is definitely one of the most influential people in my life. She has taught me how to be compassionate to everyone, behind closed doors, without making a fuss about it. She's definitely this top-secret granny-hero who goes around doing good deeds and people don't even see what she does and she receives no applause of fanfare. She has taught me to be a hardworking woman who is dependent on no one but herself. I'm not quite to where I'd like to be with that, like she is, but I feel like I'm improving a little more everyday. She will never ask for help, even as she's getting older and is in pain every day from back problems. She's strong-willed and stubborn, the way a lot of us women should be. She doesn't take crap from anyone and she'll tell it like it is. She's the most selfless person I can think of and I honestly have no idea where I would be in my life today without her. I definitely wouldn't have gone to college or even graduated high school without her pushing me to be the best I could be. I wouldn't have met my sweetheart or felt good enough to marry such a wonderful guy if it wasn't for her helping me to feel confident about myself and my life. I seriously can't say enough about her and how much I appreciate all that's she's done for me. Thanks oma.
Oh, and she makes great cookies, too.
Another person I can put is my hubby. I've already gone on and on about him in previous posts so I'll spare the lovey-dovey part and talk about how he is my ROCK. Sometimes I'm such a freak with my anxiety and social-retarded-ness, but guess what? He still loves me. (I don't get it either.) He's really helped me to reach out and do things in my life for me. When I get too scared to try something new or take a risk he's always there to tell me that no matter what he's there for me and that things will work out. Some days I'll come home, wanting to cry from a terrible day and think, I honestly could not cope with life sometimes if I didn't have the support system I do. He's so positive, hopeful, and encouraging. I feel like I can conquer the world with him at my side. Thanks babe :)
My little oober goober sister is another person who has influenced me. Picture me, all scared of the world and hiding in my shell and then picture her, an outgoing and fearless social butterfly. She's younger than I am but she shows no fear. She's up for going out with her friends every night of the week, getting a new job, trying new things and meeting new people. She is always helping me to feel like it's okay that I have weaknesses but it's also a good thing to step out of my bubble. She is the most resilient and loving sister anyone could ask for. She helps me to feel loved and I know I can be the stinkiest, weirdest, most crazy person in the entire world and she'll still love me. She's had a huge influence on me and the person I've become and I only hope I can be as independent, adventurous, and strong as her someday. Thanks little seester.
There are many more people that have influenced me as well but I'm honestly too tired to write them all out. Sorry guys! I will get you in here someday though :) Just a few though that I have to mention who have taught me things or influenced me in some way.
My mom taught me to love. She has a huge love for all things animals, nature, and those closest to her. She would take in any animal and love it like one of her own children. She is always nursing her little plants back to life and befriending those that need it most. She has taught me to love all people, from all different walks of life. This is something I will keep with me for the rest of my life. Thanks ma.
My dad has taught me to laugh. Oh, and gave me my awesome love for classic rock!!!!!! I remember driving with him in the car when I was just a little girl and he would play the air guitar on the steering wheel while I did the drums or...wait for it...the triangle. Hahahaha. He would quiz me about who sung the song that was on as fast as I could. I remember guessing "Styx!" "Led Zeppelin " or "Pink Floyd!" I think my love for a wide variety of music is because of him. Other things that I'll keep with me forever thanks to him is my appreciation for the wonderful junk food and pizza in this world, my obsession with horror movies, and my strong love for family even when you don't see them very often. Thanks dad.
My aunt Holli, thanks for being another one of my parents. I have a lot of people who I would consider parents because of the love and support they've shown me since I was a little girl until now and forever. I remember thinking about how I wanted my life to be when I was all grown up and had a family of my own. I always saw myself at your house, feeling safe and loved, and playing army/CIA/"boy stuff" with your sons. I hope I can be as good of a mom and wife/aunt/daughter/friend/mom as you are someday. Thanks Holli.
Other people that have influenced me include my awesome in-laws and sibling-in laws. Family near and far that I don't see enough of. Teachers from middle and high school. (Thanks Mrs. Williams!) Coworkers. Friends. Friends of friends. Random people on TV that are inspirational. College teachers. Thank you all for helping me to become the person I am. I know I missed a lot of people who have influenced me here but just know you are in my heart. (This post is getting a little long.) But thanks for believing in me, and showing me unconditional love. I honestly could never repay any of you so just...thanks :)
Phillip Phillip--Home
Ingrid Michaelson--Be Ok
Bob Marley--One Love
Ingrid Michaelson--Everybody
Regina Spektor--One More Time With Feeling
Amo Lee--Sweet Pea
I wish I could put all these songs together on a playlist for when you read my posts. Go listen to some of them! :)
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Chicken and Wishes
Just a short update on my life real fast. Still working and loving being done with school :) I'm starting to get used to not having homework now and am looking for some good books to read, I'm show exshited! Summer is coming up (at the club) and I'm pretty excited about that as well. Summers are usually FREAKING crazy, but fun. I'm gonna take the summer and decide what I want to do once it's over. With my life. Of course that's what I'm talking about here. Pickin' up what I'm puttin' down? Good.
Besides work I've just been enjoying life. Pete and I see each other waaay less than we're used to so now when we do get to spend a few hours together we love it. Weekends are wonderful but always too short. This weekend we're going to the Perry yard sales and hopefully having a little cookout. Sadly, this is so very exciting to me, hahaha. Life is good.
So, one thing that's new that's been going on... I've been attempting to cook! I'm going to try really really really hard to keep this up and keep improving and expanding the list of foods I will eat from 10 to like...13 or something! Be proud, this is huge for me. One day I'll be all sorts of domestic and I'll cook and clean and sew and...okay maybe that won't happen but a girl can dream, right? Last week I cooked fried rice that turned out somewhat plain (just the way I like it!) but good. I've also been attempting to cook chicken! Seriously though people, can I just say that raw chicken makes me want to vomit. I love to eat chicken and beef and steak and what not but when it's raw...yuck! So I opened the chicken I wanted to cook and washed it off and almost decided to wrap it in 50 million Wal Mart bags and throw it all away. It literally felt like I was holding human flesh...tough and soft and skin-like. People who actually cook probably think I sound retarded but I'm like a child here, touching my first raw chicken breast. Sounds dirty. And it was. But, I got over my fear of the human-like chicken flesh and watched a youtube video that taught me how to cook it. I pulled it off the pan, made sure it was cooked all the way through, and when I went to eat it I closed my eyes and expected the worst. But guess what? It was actually good! Maybe I was just delusional and my brain told me it was good so my world wasn't shattered because I'd be the only woman in the entire world who can't cook... but I don't even care. I cooked a chicken. And I think it was good. I think.
Also, chicken stinks after you throw some of it away. Like death.
Thrown out chicken=zombie breath.
Also, how many times do you normally wash your hands while cooking raw meat? Because I'm at like 2,382.
Back to the blogging challenge. Not gonna lie, I've been sucking at keeping up. One thing, I won't blog on the weekends or Mondays because I'll be with my hubby. Another thing, if I feel like I write something that's actually decent or funny I get a little intimidated to write more because I don't want it to be boring or annoying. Whatev though, if you don't like it I'm sure you'll quit reading and that's ok too :)
6. If you could have three wishes, what would you wish for?
So normally I think about what I'm going to write about a little before I actually do it, so I can gather my thoughts. But today, we're wingin' it!
Three wishes... What a classic thing to ask someone. We all have wishes and aside from wishing for infinite wishes (which I'll go ahead and assume doesn't count) I bet they vary for each individual. I think wishes revolve around things that you value. Family, friends, money, power, those things that you truly value and appreciate will have an impact on what you wish for.
For me, family is important and people are important. Hmm..I'm so conflicted here. My first instinct is to wish for like world peace and no pain for anyone or hurt.. But unfortunately that's not what life is about. You have to experience the bad to appreciate the good. We're put on this earth to experience things and to learn. I wouldn't appreciate my college education if I didn't have to work my grass off to pay for it and finish it. I wouldn't appreciate my sister and granny so much if I'd grown up in some normal family with a mom and dad and brothers and sisters. Sure I'd appreciate them in different ways but it's just different with how things are now. I'm sure I wouldn't appreciate my awesome husband as much as I do if I hadn't grown up seeing men who were abusive and selfish and mean. Sometimes I can only be at peace with a lot of the really hard stuff I've gone through by thinking, and believing, that if it weren't for these experiences I wouldn't appreciate or fully enjoy all the wonderful things in my life. Okay, so this has gone on a tangent. I'm going to finish this wish off with...I wish I could minimize the pain and suffering in the world and to my family and friends to the point where they could still learn life lessons and be able to appreciate the good in life without experiencing any extra pain or suffering... IF THAT makes ANY sense AT ALL. Is that too much to ask for? :)
Wow.
Second wish... something fun and not so thought-provoking...perfect health for all! It would be so wonderful to not have to live in fear of getting cancer or having to go to the dentist. That's right, I fear going to the dentist and think about it every time I brush these little babies. If we could just live our lives and not have to deal with disease or infection or deathly spider bites (EEEEEK! SPEEDERS!) then life would be so much less stressful. I'm always worrying about what diseases I'll get or how I'm going to die from some freak infection from touching the public toilet at the mall. I wouldn't have to wash my hands a bajillion times while cutting and cooking chicken because there would be no risk of getting salmonella. It would just. be. great.
Third wish, which probably wouldn't have normally been a wish except I just watched a TED talk that got me thinking about a few different things. A third wish could be that we understand life by a certain age, then we could spend the rest of our lives with wisdom and ah-ha-ness. I feel like I'm figuring out life a little more each day but by the time I get it, if I ever do, I'll be practically decaying and nearly dead. We spend our whole lives trying to figure things out, trying to find out how the world works and who we are and what we believe in. Our whole lives! Maybe there's this short window of time when you're really really old where things just click. Maybe not. Maybe that doesn't happen until after you die. I'm not really sure. All I know is that it's annoying that it's taken me 23 years to figure out certain things about my life and my self I can only hope it stops taking me so friggin' long to learn and understand things.
Welp! Those are my wishes. For right now. I'm sure if I were to write this post two days or even two hours from now they would probably be different.
We're Going To Be Friends--The White Stripes
The Way I Am--Ingrid Michaelson
The Heart Of Life--John Mayer
Put Your Records On--Corinne Bailey Rae
Besides work I've just been enjoying life. Pete and I see each other waaay less than we're used to so now when we do get to spend a few hours together we love it. Weekends are wonderful but always too short. This weekend we're going to the Perry yard sales and hopefully having a little cookout. Sadly, this is so very exciting to me, hahaha. Life is good.
So, one thing that's new that's been going on... I've been attempting to cook! I'm going to try really really really hard to keep this up and keep improving and expanding the list of foods I will eat from 10 to like...13 or something! Be proud, this is huge for me. One day I'll be all sorts of domestic and I'll cook and clean and sew and...okay maybe that won't happen but a girl can dream, right? Last week I cooked fried rice that turned out somewhat plain (just the way I like it!) but good. I've also been attempting to cook chicken! Seriously though people, can I just say that raw chicken makes me want to vomit. I love to eat chicken and beef and steak and what not but when it's raw...yuck! So I opened the chicken I wanted to cook and washed it off and almost decided to wrap it in 50 million Wal Mart bags and throw it all away. It literally felt like I was holding human flesh...tough and soft and skin-like. People who actually cook probably think I sound retarded but I'm like a child here, touching my first raw chicken breast. Sounds dirty. And it was. But, I got over my fear of the human-like chicken flesh and watched a youtube video that taught me how to cook it. I pulled it off the pan, made sure it was cooked all the way through, and when I went to eat it I closed my eyes and expected the worst. But guess what? It was actually good! Maybe I was just delusional and my brain told me it was good so my world wasn't shattered because I'd be the only woman in the entire world who can't cook... but I don't even care. I cooked a chicken. And I think it was good. I think.
Also, chicken stinks after you throw some of it away. Like death.
Thrown out chicken=zombie breath.
Also, how many times do you normally wash your hands while cooking raw meat? Because I'm at like 2,382.
Back to the blogging challenge. Not gonna lie, I've been sucking at keeping up. One thing, I won't blog on the weekends or Mondays because I'll be with my hubby. Another thing, if I feel like I write something that's actually decent or funny I get a little intimidated to write more because I don't want it to be boring or annoying. Whatev though, if you don't like it I'm sure you'll quit reading and that's ok too :)
6. If you could have three wishes, what would you wish for?
So normally I think about what I'm going to write about a little before I actually do it, so I can gather my thoughts. But today, we're wingin' it!
Three wishes... What a classic thing to ask someone. We all have wishes and aside from wishing for infinite wishes (which I'll go ahead and assume doesn't count) I bet they vary for each individual. I think wishes revolve around things that you value. Family, friends, money, power, those things that you truly value and appreciate will have an impact on what you wish for.
For me, family is important and people are important. Hmm..I'm so conflicted here. My first instinct is to wish for like world peace and no pain for anyone or hurt.. But unfortunately that's not what life is about. You have to experience the bad to appreciate the good. We're put on this earth to experience things and to learn. I wouldn't appreciate my college education if I didn't have to work my grass off to pay for it and finish it. I wouldn't appreciate my sister and granny so much if I'd grown up in some normal family with a mom and dad and brothers and sisters. Sure I'd appreciate them in different ways but it's just different with how things are now. I'm sure I wouldn't appreciate my awesome husband as much as I do if I hadn't grown up seeing men who were abusive and selfish and mean. Sometimes I can only be at peace with a lot of the really hard stuff I've gone through by thinking, and believing, that if it weren't for these experiences I wouldn't appreciate or fully enjoy all the wonderful things in my life. Okay, so this has gone on a tangent. I'm going to finish this wish off with...I wish I could minimize the pain and suffering in the world and to my family and friends to the point where they could still learn life lessons and be able to appreciate the good in life without experiencing any extra pain or suffering... IF THAT makes ANY sense AT ALL. Is that too much to ask for? :)
Wow.
Second wish... something fun and not so thought-provoking...perfect health for all! It would be so wonderful to not have to live in fear of getting cancer or having to go to the dentist. That's right, I fear going to the dentist and think about it every time I brush these little babies. If we could just live our lives and not have to deal with disease or infection or deathly spider bites (EEEEEK! SPEEDERS!) then life would be so much less stressful. I'm always worrying about what diseases I'll get or how I'm going to die from some freak infection from touching the public toilet at the mall. I wouldn't have to wash my hands a bajillion times while cutting and cooking chicken because there would be no risk of getting salmonella. It would just. be. great.
Third wish, which probably wouldn't have normally been a wish except I just watched a TED talk that got me thinking about a few different things. A third wish could be that we understand life by a certain age, then we could spend the rest of our lives with wisdom and ah-ha-ness. I feel like I'm figuring out life a little more each day but by the time I get it, if I ever do, I'll be practically decaying and nearly dead. We spend our whole lives trying to figure things out, trying to find out how the world works and who we are and what we believe in. Our whole lives! Maybe there's this short window of time when you're really really old where things just click. Maybe not. Maybe that doesn't happen until after you die. I'm not really sure. All I know is that it's annoying that it's taken me 23 years to figure out certain things about my life and my self I can only hope it stops taking me so friggin' long to learn and understand things.
Welp! Those are my wishes. For right now. I'm sure if I were to write this post two days or even two hours from now they would probably be different.
We're Going To Be Friends--The White Stripes
The Way I Am--Ingrid Michaelson
The Heart Of Life--John Mayer
Put Your Records On--Corinne Bailey Rae
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